Thursday, August 5, 2010

As Eeore would say: "Ohhhh dear!!!"

I posted a few days ago about a
gentleman I am really interested in
meeting and he had said he was
in the process of talking to and
meeting another lady. While
disappointed, I understand and
decided to wait my turn, at least
for awhile, and be content to be a pen pal.
I feel the same since one person to
date at a time is all I can handle.
It's not that it's a moral issue with me.
My brain is simply too disorganized
and if I were dating two men I am
sure I would end up talking to
one about our last fun date when
it actually was with the other. It
happened more than once when
I was a teen and it quickly resulted
in not getting asked out again.

The first thing this morning I
received an email from him
suggesting we meet. I am totally
dumfounded, a nervous wreck. It
is now 3:30pm and I still have
not responded. Oh, I am more
than happy, in fact I would
categorize how I feel close to
feeling like a teenager again who
has scored some attention from
the class heart throb.

While I intend to respond with a
"yes" what else should I say?
Where should I suggest we meet?
What if he does not like me?
What if I say all the wrong things?
And worse, what if I am so
nervous that I cannot talk much
at all. And talking? What about
this horrible voice of mine?

Ohhhhh dear.

To say my voice is "distinctive" is a
gross understatement. Even
after living in SoCal for 11 years I
still have my wacky South Jersey
accent interspersed with my
Southern roots on the DelMarVa
Penninsula. NOT a good
combination. Then add to that
is I have this nasal tone that
makes me sound like the
old TV actress, Selma Diamond,
from the show Night Court.....
or a bit like Fran Drescher, from
the TV show "The Nanny".
And there's just no changing how
my voice sounds unless I
only whisper.
Ohhhh dear.

So now I am a nervous wreck. It has
been FOREVER since I have
dated. I married when I was 23,
he died when I was 58 and I
soon met Art, who I had previously
met in the past.... it really
wasn't a date, it was a reunion
after talking via the internet and
telephone for six months and
discovering we actually met
years ago. Of course I did not
clearly remember him but he
remembered me and quite accurately.
I guess I made an impression?
Will I make a good impression with
this new gentleman?

Ohhhh Dear!

And talking to him when we meet. I am a
writer and this comes very easy to me.
But holding a conversation face to
face? When I write I can put
my thoughts in order. Delete, cut and
paste, back space and proof read. I am
typical of many hyperactive and
creative people, there are so many thoughts
running through my head that my
mouth just cannot keep up. In the
middle of what I am saying there are
a dozen other related thoughts trying to
make it into the conversation and I
often change subjects in the
middle of the sentence, start to
talk about something else, then fail
to get back to my original thought.
Especially when I am nervous.

Ohhhhh dear.

And I cannot rehearse what I am going
to say when meeting this man...
not like I used to do when I used
to give financial presentations, or when
I was teaching about something.
This is different, it cannot be
rehearsed. Ohhhh dear!

If I am so happy I am going to
meet this man why am I so much
in a flutter about it? For goodness
sakes... I'm 71, I'm not a teenager
any more so why am I feeling
like one? Relax Mary, take a deep
breath, and stop being a
worry wart.

Ohhhh Dear!
and another heavy

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