Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Latest Dating Game & What He Gave Me When We Met

The last one just didn't work out. We will
probably remain freinds but never a couple.
I am looking for a man to date on a long term
basis, just not marriage or moving in. Been
there, done that.

The last man will need way too much time to
recover from the grief of loosing his wife.
We talked about it and decided to put dating
on hold until November. I did tell him I was
not waiting, that I intend to date others.
And I have. Plus I MAY have found a real
keeper. Only time and learning more about him
will determine if it lasts. I know how picky I
can be about mundane annoyances. And this
time I'm not settling.

When he first contacted me on the Senior Meet
dating I turned him down saying I only date
one man at a time. Besides, there was no
picture of him. For all I knew he could be
rotund and misrepresenting himself. But his
initial contact email was so very well spoken
and interesting. He had to be at least
intelligent. So I gave it some thought and the
next morning I emailed him again and told him
I changed my mind... life is too short and
there is so much I want to see and do. I told
him he must send a picture or I would not meet
him. Within hours a picture arrived. Ok, older
and rather average looking, but not bad.

We met at the Center City Cafe. As I got out
of my car I noticed a gentleman also getting
out of a silver Mercedes. Wow. Is this him?
Nice car. Guess he isn't poor. And yes, it
was him.

We introduced ourselves and he asked the
hostess to seat us at the table in the corner
at the far end. Then he quickly excused
himself for a few minutes. After he sat down
the waitress arrived with a beautiful crystal
vase with a dozen off white rose buds. Pictured
above. Wow again. This man not only has a
golden pen when writing he is quite the smooth
gentleman. And unless he lives in his car with
high monthly payments, he sure isn't living
off of Social Security.

During the course of conversation I asked
where he lived in San Diego. I asked because
Bob lived in a small section of the city way
down near Imperial Beach by the Mexico border.
A real PITA distance on our freeways. I nearly
fell off my seat when he said he lived in the
6th Ave condo's across from Balboa Park. You
can't get more upscale than that unless you
have a beach home in Delmar or La Jolla.

We had our lunch, talked for about an hour
and the meeting was over. We had a brief hug
and kiss before I left. I thought, oh well, I
guess I'm not upscale enough to suit his
tastes. No big loss. It was fun to meet him.

A few hours later I received another one of
his "golden pen" emails. He said he wished we
had extended our meeting as well as pouring on
the compliments about me. Then the email
continued with six pages about himself.
Another WOW! I am way out classed by this
man. In the end he said he would call for us
to meet again. To please send him my phone

He asked to see me Tuesday but I said I have
a meeting on Tuesday mornings. So he opted for
Wednesday morning to go antique shopping at
the many shops in my town. Late Tuesday night
it rained and SD County had one of it's rare
lightening storms. Rain was also forecast all
day Wednesday.

Early Wednesday morning he called and said the
electric was out all night at the condo and
the generator to run the elevators and
emergency lights was not working. As president
of their HOA he could not get away. Okay, I
believed the excuse, but figured he could have
had a change of heart. He called again Friday
saying he was still tied up with repairs with
the generator as well as going to Malibu
Monday to visit his grown children. Okay,
sounded feasable.

Tuesday he called and set up things for
Wednesday. That he was coming to pick me up
rather than meeting and using two cars. That
he needed my address. I wasn't too sure but
provided the information since we are a secure
complex and he cannot gain access without my

In the morning I impatiently waited for yet
another call that he needed to cancel. Thank
goodness I was ready early, he showed up at
11am instead of the agreed noon. Our second
date went very smoothly, lunch, shopping in
antique stores where he kept insisting there
must be "something" he could buy for me, then
Chineese for dinner. Our goodnight was
slightly more than a quick hug and kiss. Oh my.

And then that night another flowery email about
how wonderful he thinks I am. We have since
had another date, to watch the San Diego
Chargers get whopped. Plus he cooked dinner.
He brought all the makings, dessert and wine.
Good grief! A man who loves to cook. My kind
of guy.

So why am I not all that excited about him? At
present we are only dating once about every 5
days. I have also found a way to see if he has
been scanning for ladies on the Senior Dating
site without him knowing I am. He's on there
every day. And let's face it... he's a prime
catch. Any lady is going to go for this man.
And I'm sure there's plenty of Southern Cal
women who are botoxed, lifted, as well as far
classier than I am who are fishing for men
too.... and I have the distinct feeling he is
taking advantage of the situation.

But know what? I'm in this party for as long
as it lasts. Why not? Like I told him, life
is too short and there's too many things to
see and do before it's over.

Thursday, October 7, 2010


Me when I was a sultry age 14.
The beach in N. Wildwood was small
and high tides often washed into the street.
Today this same beach is at least a half
mile wide and the city has tram cars to
take beach goers closer to the ocean.
Such is the power of nature to either
give or to take away.

Now, what I miss about NuJoisey.....

Thunder storms. Watching a sudden storm approach across the ocean
or Delaware Bay. The excitement and fear of racing across the bay
to reach safe harbor before the storm. Ball lightening. St. Elmo's Fire. The tingle of a close lightening hit and the exciting relief that it missed me. Walking in a downpour on a warm day and splashing in the puddles like a child. The smell of rain after a dry week. The quiet after a storm, especially in the Great Cedar Swamp or on a deserted beach.
Sitting on the porch with a panoramic view of the sky watching nature's fire works.

Winter ice storms where even the smallest weed became a diamond
creation. When my weeping birches would gracefully bend to the earth under the weight of the ice but spring back on the first sunny day. Running and sliding like a child down the pavement. Icicles.

Snow. How it quieted the harsh noise of civilization. Walking at night during a gentle snow fall. Walking in the woods after a fresh snow looking for animal tracks. Snow covered trees and shrubery. The refreshing feeling of accomplishment after shoveling the walkway.

Fall colors. Watching the decidious world return to life in the spring.
Crocus popping up through the snow. The first daffodill. The first
Jersey tomato. Picking wild blueberries. Sasafras tea. Pick it yourself strawberries, string beans, apples and peaches. Tree ripened peaches.

Perching on a sand dune watching a nor'easter storm ravage the beach. Spending endless hours walking through sand dunes shielded
from the winter wind. Conk shells. Sand crabs scurring in the shallow
waves. Catching flounder and weak fish and eating them the same day. Blue claw crabs. Walking along the Deleware Bay during horse shoe crab spawning and flipping over the ones on their back so they could return to the bay. Bird migrations in the fall across the bay.

Jake. When all of my friends were on the beach I would wander off and walk for hours through the dunes and along the sand bars in Angle Sea. Jake was an old man who I often met during my solitary expiditions. He taught me of nor'easters, hurricanes, how the sea and the sand worked in harmony to ceasely resculpure the landscape. Once we met on a sand dune during a mild hurricane and sat for hours watching the fury of the wind and the sea. When I was 17 I could no longer find Jake. I never knew his last name or where he lived but this lovely old man taught me to love and respect the sea. Each spring I would return to Angle Sea to see the grand castles that the sea tore down and rebuilt during the winter.

Then came the bulldozers, condo's on the beach, and the sand bars and dunes ceased to exist. Sea walls were built to protect mankind's bastardation of the beach. But slowly through the years the sand and the sea built back what man destroyed. And once again the sand in
N. Wildwood and Angle Sea is again in control. I have not returned for the past 10 years. I must go back again.

Knowing the trails through the woods and the swamps so well that I could walk them on a moon lit night without a flash light. The albino opussum that lived in my window well. The albino skunk who visited my campsite nightly. The pine snake who returned to live under my stoop every spring. Giant spider orbs glistening with morning dew. Being one of the few humans who witnessed a pair of bald eagles send one of the offspring off for the first time to fend for itself. A three hour symphony of calling back and forth, then total silence as the young eagle sat alone in the top of a tree. Then see that young eagle return to the same tree the following spring, still without it's white feathered head. And finally finding where it established it's new territory and lived for several years.

Other things I miss. Dietz and Watson hot dogs. Artery clogging Philly steaks and subs. Barrell pickles. Jersey tomatoes and peaches. Real Italian bistro's. Broadway in NYC and Broad Street in Philly. The hysterical but harmless rudeness of Philadelphia sports fans. Ethnic neighborhoods side by side in harmony. Collecting eggs from the chicken coop for breakfast. Putting on the pot of water before picking sweet peas and Jersey corn. The smell of fresh cut grass.

The list could go on and on. But still, I am now here on the other pond and now my list of what I love about the west coast continues to grow.
And I do not miss shivering in the damp cold winters of NJ, chipping ice off the windshield, water in the basement, crab grass, and most of all,
I do not miss NJ mosquitoes, deer ticks, green head flies, strawberry flies and gnats. I often called my summer abode on the edge of the Great Cedar Swamp "Paradise with Flesh Eating Insects".

Monday, August 23, 2010


It has been eons since a man has
given me a rose... or any
flower. Of course I'm
not counting flowers sent
by friends and relatives
for funerals or holiday
flowers sent to the family.

Okay, I'll admit that buying
flowers "just because" is
a total waste of money.
That's the frugle side of me.

But he picked it from his
garden! What a thoughtful
and nice thing to do!
He knocked on my door
and there he stood with the
rose. For goodness sakes....
I'm 71 years old and I just
about melted!

And, who is "he"?
He is the man I was
agonizing over meeting on
my past two blogs. No, I will
not mention him by name
until the day I am sure
this will develop into a
serious relationship.

But I must admit I am VERY
impressed. We talk plus he is
a very personable person who
easily strikes up conversations
with strangers. Something
I have always done. I talk to
people in lines, in elevators and
at doctors offices which back
east often gets you the
"who's that crazy lady"
stare. SoCal is a whole other
ball game. People are laid
back, friendly, road rage
is not the norm like in
NuJoisey. He was born and
raised in SoCal and probably
has no idea how stressed
out east and rude east
coasters can be.

So here I go again! After Gene
died I felt I was too young
(58) to go it alone for the
rest of my life. And much to
my good fortune Art came
into my life. But when he died
I swore I wasn't going to put
myself at risk of loosing another.
And now my interest is
sparked again. Will I ever
learn my lesson?

Friday, August 6, 2010


Well, he called last night. I emailed him
my phone numbers around 4pm, later
about 9pm I went to the supermarket for
milk, and when I came back there was an
email asking the best time to call. I replied
any time before 12m was fine. He called
right away. And as I predicted I was tongue
tied, couldn't keep my thoughts in order
because I was nervous. He said he would
call me again tonite. I just hope he didn't
think I'm a crazy old lady and decides not
to call. And yes, he did say my voice would
take some getting used to. I hate my voice!
I probably missed my calling to be one of
those weird voices in cartoon movies.

Ohhhhh dear.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

As Eeore would say: "Ohhhh dear!!!"

I posted a few days ago about a
gentleman I am really interested in
meeting and he had said he was
in the process of talking to and
meeting another lady. While
disappointed, I understand and
decided to wait my turn, at least
for awhile, and be content to be a pen pal.
I feel the same since one person to
date at a time is all I can handle.
It's not that it's a moral issue with me.
My brain is simply too disorganized
and if I were dating two men I am
sure I would end up talking to
one about our last fun date when
it actually was with the other. It
happened more than once when
I was a teen and it quickly resulted
in not getting asked out again.

The first thing this morning I
received an email from him
suggesting we meet. I am totally
dumfounded, a nervous wreck. It
is now 3:30pm and I still have
not responded. Oh, I am more
than happy, in fact I would
categorize how I feel close to
feeling like a teenager again who
has scored some attention from
the class heart throb.

While I intend to respond with a
"yes" what else should I say?
Where should I suggest we meet?
What if he does not like me?
What if I say all the wrong things?
And worse, what if I am so
nervous that I cannot talk much
at all. And talking? What about
this horrible voice of mine?

Ohhhhh dear.

To say my voice is "distinctive" is a
gross understatement. Even
after living in SoCal for 11 years I
still have my wacky South Jersey
accent interspersed with my
Southern roots on the DelMarVa
Penninsula. NOT a good
combination. Then add to that
is I have this nasal tone that
makes me sound like the
old TV actress, Selma Diamond,
from the show Night Court.....
or a bit like Fran Drescher, from
the TV show "The Nanny".
And there's just no changing how
my voice sounds unless I
only whisper.
Ohhhh dear.

So now I am a nervous wreck. It has
been FOREVER since I have
dated. I married when I was 23,
he died when I was 58 and I
soon met Art, who I had previously
met in the past.... it really
wasn't a date, it was a reunion
after talking via the internet and
telephone for six months and
discovering we actually met
years ago. Of course I did not
clearly remember him but he
remembered me and quite accurately.
I guess I made an impression?
Will I make a good impression with
this new gentleman?

Ohhhh Dear!

And talking to him when we meet. I am a
writer and this comes very easy to me.
But holding a conversation face to
face? When I write I can put
my thoughts in order. Delete, cut and
paste, back space and proof read. I am
typical of many hyperactive and
creative people, there are so many thoughts
running through my head that my
mouth just cannot keep up. In the
middle of what I am saying there are
a dozen other related thoughts trying to
make it into the conversation and I
often change subjects in the
middle of the sentence, start to
talk about something else, then fail
to get back to my original thought.
Especially when I am nervous.

Ohhhhh dear.

And I cannot rehearse what I am going
to say when meeting this man...
not like I used to do when I used
to give financial presentations, or when
I was teaching about something.
This is different, it cannot be
rehearsed. Ohhhh dear!

If I am so happy I am going to
meet this man why am I so much
in a flutter about it? For goodness
sakes... I'm 71, I'm not a teenager
any more so why am I feeling
like one? Relax Mary, take a deep
breath, and stop being a
worry wart.

Ohhhh Dear!
and another heavy

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


This is my family. Left to right:
My baby, Marybeth
My oldest, Eva (Diva)
Little ole me
My "adopted" sister, Bobbi
My middle child, Anna

Now, for the reason to post.

It has been a long time since
I have posted. I haven't been all
that busy. In fact I'm
beginning to realize that my
life has become lonely and boring
and that I miss having a man
around the house.

I have been on vacations and
cruises with my daughters
and girlfriends, trips with
the senior citizens, but too often
I find I'm doing my favorite
things alone. My daughters all
live back east, my favorite travel
partner has found a new love
and our plans for a trip to Ireland
and Scotland as well as a cruise
up the Rhine, to Hawaii and
Alaska have been put aside.
My middle daughter has also
found a new love and has changed
her plans to spend two weeks
with me in September. Yes, they
were all here once this year
but I was looking forward to
another visit. From the way things
are going my daughters next
vacation will be a honeymoon.
I'm so happy for her but.....

My sister and girlfriends got
together for a combined
birthday party. Two of my
friends, Dottie and Bea, were talking
about all the fun they were having
since they joined a senior dating
site. In fact Dottie, at age 80,
seems to have found her perfect
match. So I came home and
joined up.

I'm way way out of practice with
this dating thing. As my past
blogs say, after my first husband
died it was only a year and a
half before I met my 2nd, who after
we started talking we realized
we had met years ago at several
corporate financial conferences.
So there was no real dating,
looking for the perfect mate, we
just melded into a wonderful
10 year relationship.

Still, how hard could it be to
seek out a new mate? Not to brag
but I look darned good for my
age, I have a good sense of humor,
I'm happy and positive, I'm
reasonably intelligent, and I am
financially secure. In my (biased)
opinion I am a good catch.

And here I am a month later
still without a date. Perhaps one
mistake I made was to state
I am financially secure. Seems this
put up the "scam antenna" out
to attract 50 somethings looking
for a sugar momma. Half of those
who contact me are in this
category. Hey guys! I wasn't born
yesterday. I am not flattered or
all-a-flutter. I got my money because
I'm smart, know how to invest,
and worked hard.

I get lots of "winks" and "I'm interested"
messages. At first I responded to
a few of them and found out they
came from men who seem to be
incapable of constructing an
entire sentence. If you can't tap out
a decent message how well will
you be able to communicate?
I was married to a non-communicator
for 30+ years, no thanks to that
again. And finally the most
annoying ones. Elderly men looking
for a test subject to so they can
try out their Viagra prescription,
and/or obviously looking for
a replacement housewife who
will cook, clean, and do laundry.
Sorry guys, my idea of
planning a meal is deciding
what to order from Chinese
take out. I do laundry for two
reasons, I ran out of under ware
or I have to sit on the cloths
hamper to close it. And cleaning?
I vacuum up the big chunks
and tell everyone that all
flat surfaces are not really
dusty, they are frosted.... Just
don't touch them and spoil
the effect.

So I finally found one really
good prospect.... exactly what
I am looking for. Seriously
involved with vintage cars,
something I have loved forever,
active, and can actually

Unfortunately, one big draw back,
he's 5 years younger than me.
Well, he answered me right away.
Said the age difference is not
an issue. Yea! But as I read
on the disappointment came....
he is already communicating
with someone else, I hope it's
not Bea, and he wants to
meet her before moving on to
meeting me. But he wants to
remain pen pals.

Oh well, I'll wait out being 2nd
place choice for awhile...


Wednesday, November 25, 2009


Tis the season we're supposed
to recite all we are thankful for.
My list is so long that I'd
not only run out of room on this
blog... but also would never
get done saying all that I am
thankful for until New Year's Eve.

Each new year I write in my journal
what I was thankful for the
previous year and my thoughts about events
in my life. I have been doing
this for years. Once I'm outta here
and my daughters come in to sort
through all my useless shit they will
find my journals piled in the
cabinet under an end table.
These journals contain a lot of thoughts
and events in my life that they
have never been told. Hopefully they
won't be so shocked that they will
stash my ashes under the bathroom sink
next to the toilet bowl cleaner.

Okay. First, I am VERY thankful that
I wake up breathing every day. Not unusual
to be thankful for this at my age!

Second, is my family. My girls,
Eva, Anna, and Beth grew up to be
wonderful and independent women
capable of taking care of themselves.
All three are vastly different from the
other (Eva would disagree with this)
but each is a delightful gift in my life.

And for my husband Gene who was my
best friend for 30 years. If there is that
heaven he believed in I am sure he
got a special spot just for putting
up with my shit. Poor man was
stuck in a house with four females
with hormones. Plus the family dog,
Sunny, was a female. He didn't stand a
chance against us. Still, even until the end
he joyfully lived his life without seeming
to have a care in the world.

And for Arthur, the brainey nerd, who
put up with me for 10 years and
accepted that he was my 2nd love
without complaining. We often joked
that we were together because
we were the only two people on earth
who could tolerate each other.

I am not thankful that Gene and Art are
gone but I am thankful for the
happiness that each one brought
into my life.

I am thankful that at my
age I am still in decent shape.
At age 70 and without the assistance
of hair dye, botox, or surgery I
STILL look younger than most
everyone else my age. And that right
now I feel better than I did for
the 20+ years that I was in hypo hell
and undiagnosed. Unfortunately it
took a goiter the size of a half a
tennis ball then cancer to FINALLY get
diagnosed. But so far I have been
in remission for a bit over two
years and my magic Armour pills has
restored my life to feeling "normal".

And last I am thankful that I
have enough to live, buy and do just
about anything I please. Of course I do
not want a lot or live expensive.
It's just not my style.

I am thankful for the time I have
been granted to live, laugh and most
thoroughly enjoy this tiny blue
and fantastically beautiful
orb we call earth placed somewhere
in this never ending creation
we call the universe.

Happy Thanksgiving